When School Feels Too Much: Supporting Children Through School Stress

Many parents reach out with a familiar worry:

“My child used to be fine with school - but now everything feels like a battle.”

School stress is one of the most common reasons parents seek coaching for their children. It can creep in quietly or appear suddenly, and it does not always look how we expect.

For some children, stress shows up as worry about tests or homework. For others, it looks like tears in the morning, irritability after school, perfectionism, avoidance, or complete emotional shutdown.

School is where children spend a huge part of their lives - and when it feels overwhelming, it can affect their confidence, mood, sleep, and family life.

What Do We Mean by “School Stress”?

School stress is not just about academic pressure.

It can be caused by:

• Fear of getting things wrong or not being “good enough”

• Homework and exam pressure

• Social challenges, bullying, or friendship worries

• Teacher relationships or classroom dynamics

• Feeling rushed, overstimulated, or constantly evaluated

Many children do not say “I’m stressed about school.”Instead, they say:

• “I don’t want to go.”

• “What’s the point?”

• “I can’t do it.”

Understanding what is underneath the behaviour is the first step in supporting them.

A Note on School Environment and Expectations

For some families, particularly those in independent or highly academic school environments, school stress can carry extra layers. High expectations, busy schedules, competitive settings, and significant investment in education often come from a place of care and wanting the best for a child. At the same time, young people can quietly absorb pressure to perform, succeed, or meet unspoken standards - even when those expectations are loving and well-intentioned.

Coaching helps young people untangle which expectations belong to them, which belong to the system around them, and how to hold ambition alongside wellbeing. This can strengthen resilience, confidence, and emotional balance, allowing them to thrive without feeling overwhelmed by pressure.

How Coaching Helps with School Stress

Coaching offers children and teenagers a space where school pressure is talked about, not added to.

In coaching, young people can:

• Break down what is actually stressing them rather than feeling it all at once

• Learn practical tools for managing pressure and expectations

• Build confidence in their own abilities

• Develop a healthier relationship with effort, mistakes, and learning

Importantly, coaching helps children separate who they are from how they perform - something many stressed pupils struggle with.

One Simple Thing You Can Try at Home

Here is a gentle strategy that can reduce pressure without lowering expectations.

The “Two Lists” Exercise

Ask your child to help you make two simple lists:

List 1: What I Can Control

• My effort

• Asking for help

• How I revise

• Taking breaks

• My attitude

List 2: What I Can’t Control

• Other people

• Exact test questions

• Teachers’ moods

• Results once the test is done

You might say:

“School can feel heavy when everything goes into one big pile. Let’s sort out what is actually yours to carry.”

Adults can model this too:

“We can’t control the deadline moving, but we can control how we plan our time.”

This creates a shared language around pressure and helps children feel less overwhelmed by things outside their control.

Why This Works

School stress often comes from feeling responsible for everything and powerless at the same time.

This exercise helps children:

• Regain a sense of control

• Focus their energy where it is most useful

• Reduce anxiety around outcomes

• Build realistic, self-compassionate thinking

It gently shifts the nervous system out of threat mode and into problem-solving mode - without minimising how hard school can feel.

Over time, children learn that pressure is something they can manage, not something that manages them.

Get in Touch

If school stress is affecting your child’s confidence, mood, or enjoyment of learning, coaching can provide calm, practical support.

At Keystone Coaching, we work one-to-one with children and teenagers to help them manage pressure, build resilience, and feel more confident in themselves - both in and out of school.

If you would like to explore whether coaching might be helpful for your child, you are very welcome to get in touch for an initial conversation.

Sometimes, a small shift in support can make a big difference.

Get in touch